So I know it is completely cliché when we say we are going to go on a diet, become more successful, exercise more, etc. For me it meant a new beginning that would allow me to take some risks and help me to become me again. A few years ago people could only see the happiness in me and never grief, sadness, depression, or just plain broken down. To be honest I had never felt as broken as I did this year ever. I always believed that everything happened for a reason and just went on with my super awesome life.
When we welcomed 2014 in I had a pit in my stomach. I could feel it coming but tried my best to leave all negative thoughts out. I wanted to be excited…. but it just wasn’t happening. When the day came to say goodbye to South Carolina I balled like a baby. Little did we know I was pregnant after 6 years of tubal ligation. We lost the baby shortly. I never knew the strength I would have in that situation. We immediately started looking forward for the upcoming deployment for my husband. This was another shock. We have been through 4 combat deployments. I knew that meant no phone calls for long periods of time and sending lots of care packages. I was completely okay with this. It was my life but I knew he would miss a lot with our kids older.
Two weeks after we said goodbye to my husband, we got the call that my brother had been killed. That is something I never thought I would ever hear and it really affected me more than I would ever know. The month of September 2014 was a complete blur and I to this day I have no idea how I got through any of it. October 1 2014 I got a phone call that told me to be on standby. My husband was in the Philippines and his kidneys has failed. We may have to travel to say our goodbyes because they feared he would not make it much longer. Thank Jesus that he pulled through. The year 2014 was harder than anyone expected but my family held together and helped to support each other.
My family changed more than I could ever think it would be. I never imagined a future without my brother or that my husband would become 100% different. I am thankful for these experiences because they have made me stronger. Sometimes God brings us to a situation to help use become what we were meant to be. In Febuary of 2014 I started my bachelor degree in elementary education. I was excited to be a school teacher and influence little lives. It was something that I had always wanted to do as a younger Sonia. Fast forward to today January 14, 2016 and I have changed. I have never been “normal” in most peoples minds. I have a lot of tattoos, purple hair, and just have different thoughts than anyone I know. God made me different and I have always loved feeling different. In December 2015 I was feeling really bad and really felt like I needed to stand up for myself. I needed to stand up for myself to myself.
I know that sounds insane but stay with me here… I was holding myself back. My family, husband, friends, etc were trying to help me in any way possible but I was continuing to allow grief for my brother and the life that I used to live to hold me down like a wet blanket. IT was holding me like a prisoner. It sucked and it hurt badly. I lost myself in so many ways. In december 2015 I sat and thought for a while and realized through some self meditation and growth that I HAD TO CHANGE EVERYTHING!!! I was not going to make it as a teacher. My heart would never calus so that I would ever be able to let a child not have lunch when their parent did not have money or watch a child never get love and urn for love. I had recently discovered essential oils again and it was time for me to follow that passion like I had always wanted to do. I have always been a holistic medicine junkie and hippie at heart. It was time for me to make that change and risk. I did it! I withdrew from my bachelors degree, decided to get more tattoos, more purple in my hair and I am going to pursue my aromatherapy degree! I AM GOING TO TAKE A RISK that I am not sure will ever become fruitful but for me right now it feels right. I have not been as happy as I am right now in a VERY long time! I sat my children down on the first week of school and let them know the news. I cried a little but that crying let out pain. It let my body and soul start to grow again. Today I am so excited for my future. It has been bittersweet saying goodbye to my teaching future but teaching people how to use more natural ways to help their bodies heal is so much more exciting to me.
Today I want to encourage you to start living your most full life ever! We only get one life and I want to see you so excited and happy! I want you to have a passion for life.. if you are a mom like me, you have babies watching who need to know it is okay if we take a risk and do not win. We already are a winner because we stepped up and took the risk in the first place. I will be starting a happy program soon and I want to encourage you to get on board. It is time to get happy and live the life you have always wanted to. If you do not do it now… then when???